This is something I feel pretty much on a daily basis. Trapped.
It’s a horrible feeling, especially since every time I try to reach out and grasp onto something meant to help pull me out, I seem to get trapped all over again and have to struggle to find my way back out again.
It’s exhausting. It’s depressing. And it’s often unexplainable & unrelatable to a lot of people in my life that I wish understood it better.
A few weeks ago I had a bit of a rough day (to say the least) and I cried to my boyfriend about how I felt so trapped in my head, and I was so exhausted all the time of having to be aware, or trying to remember what skills to use to help me in what situations. I tried to explain to him that even just small things that most people do without thinking about them take a lot of concentration & effort, especially I’m feeling unstable. Simple things like making a meal can sometimes go wrong so quickly, and he has a hard time grasping what is going on in my head & why it’s so hard for me.
It’s not his fault, of course. He tries his best, and he’s oh so patient with me. And I’m honestly glad that he doesn’t really understand, because it means that he hasn’t had to deal with this sort of frustration and pain on the level that I am.
Since we’ve been on the Keto diet a while, we often do have phases where we really miss certain foods that we used to enjoy. One of those things for me has been french toast. It wasn’t something I ate a lot, just a meal that I’d get now and then if we went out for a nice breakfast somewhere that had a good breakfast menu (by good I mean, offering more 2 or 3 dishes for breakfast – something that seems to be lacking where we live).
One important thing I’m learning on my journey through life is how important it can be to keep your cool, or just be calm. I worry and stress a lot just on my own, but since I pick up on the emotions of people around me so easily, this sometimes gets really hard to deal with. I already have a hard time staying calm when it’s just my own things, but when it has other people involved too…well that can be a lot harder.
This spread was inspired by another spread, though the things on the list were how to stay calm during a busy work day. I thought to myself, “This would be awesome to put in my journal if it was geared more towards my everyday life.”. So after some thinking, this is the end result! And yes, it says to take a deep breath or to breathe more than once, but I think it’s really important to do throughout the whole process, even after you’ve calmed down. It can be so easy to just forget to breathe sometimes!