This is something I feel pretty much on a daily basis. Trapped.
It’s a horrible feeling, especially since every time I try to reach out and grasp onto something meant to help pull me out, I seem to get trapped all over again and have to struggle to find my way back out again.
It’s exhausting. It’s depressing. And it’s often unexplainable & unrelatable to a lot of people in my life that I wish understood it better.
A few weeks ago I had a bit of a rough day (to say the least) and I cried to my boyfriend about how I felt so trapped in my head, and I was so exhausted all the time of having to be aware, or trying to remember what skills to use to help me in what situations. I tried to explain to him that even just small things that most people do without thinking about them take a lot of concentration & effort, especially I’m feeling unstable. Simple things like making a meal can sometimes go wrong so quickly, and he has a hard time grasping what is going on in my head & why it’s so hard for me.
It’s not his fault, of course. He tries his best, and he’s oh so patient with me. And I’m honestly glad that he doesn’t really understand, because it means that he hasn’t had to deal with this sort of frustration and pain on the level that I am.
Since we’ve been on the Keto diet a while, we often do have phases where we really miss certain foods that we used to enjoy. One of those things for me has been french toast. It wasn’t something I ate a lot, just a meal that I’d get now and then if we went out for a nice breakfast somewhere that had a good breakfast menu (by good I mean, offering more 2 or 3 dishes for breakfast – something that seems to be lacking where we live).
One important thing I’m learning on my journey through life is how important it can be to keep your cool, or just be calm. I worry and stress a lot just on my own, but since I pick up on the emotions of people around me so easily, this sometimes gets really hard to deal with. I already have a hard time staying calm when it’s just my own things, but when it has other people involved too…well that can be a lot harder.
This spread was inspired by another spread, though the things on the list were how to stay calm during a busy work day. I thought to myself, “This would be awesome to put in my journal if it was geared more towards my everyday life.”. So after some thinking, this is the end result! And yes, it says to take a deep breath or to breathe more than once, but I think it’s really important to do throughout the whole process, even after you’ve calmed down. It can be so easy to just forget to breathe sometimes!
I decided to get this book a while ago because I’d been noticing that my anger was suddenly out of control. I went from being this person who rarely felt anger (or so I thought) to being someone who felt angry all the time, and it made me really uncomfortable. I knew something had to be done, so I bought the book and also started seeing a counselor who helped me with my anger. Here are some of the notes I took on it!
When I first really started to notice my anger, it took me by surprise. In the past anytime I had been even remotely angry I would have a good cry over it and not actually feel that angry at all. I often felt ashamed, stupid, weak or powerless, ridiculed, betrayed…but I didn’t really felt like I was actually angry. I just thought I was a person who didn’t ever really get angry.
My boyfriend and I had been looking for some keto fat bomb recipes that had peanut butter & chocolate, because, why not? They’re such an amazing mixture, you can’t really go wrong. We stumbled across a few that were just…really horrible. And finally we found one that we tweaked enough to come up with these yummy peanut butter cups.
If you’ve ever had a craving for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, I think these will really hit the spot for you, but just remember not to eat too many, and to second check the ingredients you’re using so you know what your macros are!
A few days ago we passed the 8 month mark of being on Keto! Every day we are both so thrilled that we started on this journey, especially with the weather being incredibly cold the last few weeks, it’s been nice that we haven’t packed on the weight like we normally do during winter. We are both maintaining a good weight, and while it does fluctuate now and then we are just so pleased to not be gaining weight like mad right now.
When we started in June, my goal was to get between 120-130lbs (from 174lbs), which is still considered overweight for my height, but I knew that was a weight I would feel happy with. While I am having a few issues getting down that last 5lbs to reach 130lbs (I’ve been floating around 135lbs for a while now) I know a large part of this is due to my inactivity. I’ve been suffering horrible headaches the last 2 months, so a lot of time has been spent in bed instead of moving around as much as I’d like to.